The Truth Hurts—But It Can Help: Mastering the Art of Learning from Feedback
Discover how accepting tough feedback or constructive criticism can transform your leadership, strengthen team dynamics, and enhance communication. It’s time to shift from defensiveness to curiosity, turning tough conversations into valuable opportunities for growth. Are you ready to embrace the challenge?
We often teach business managers and leaders how to deliver feedback to employees, but how well do leaders handle receiving feedback?
Many of us claim to want feedback and to be mentored… at least until we get some constructive criticism that stings a bit. Then we’re not so sure. We might even get defensive.
“That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“You just misunderstood what I was trying to do.”
“That’s how I act? Really? Because that’s exactly how you’ve acted a hundred times in the past, I just didn’t say anything about it.”
All of these rebuttals are simply different ways to say, “Thanks for the feedback, but you’re wrong.”
And that means a missed opportunity to improve.
While feedback is essential for growth, even those skilled at giving it aren't always great at taking it. Learning to accept and receive feedback is relatively easy and requires little effort, and it can improve your leadership, team dynamics, and relationships.
The fact is that most people struggle with receiving constructive criticism, so even minor improvements in this skill can help you stand out and move ahead in your career. By becoming better at accepting feedback and mentoring, you’ll build stronger, more resilient relationships and foster open communication with coworkers and supervisors. People will feel heard, and you’ll contribute to easing the tension that often accompanies difficult conversations.
Most importantly, you’ll gain valuable insights into how others perceive you, providing you with the tools to become a more effective team member, leader, and manager.
Are People Afraid to Tell You?
One of the key reasons managers and leaders report that they don’t give employee feedback more regularly is they fear how they’ll react. According to a survey published in Harvard Business Review, two-thirds of managers said they were afraid of giving their direct reports tough feedback for fear of how they’d take it.
That’s a staggering statistic and a massive impediment to improving their businesses. If managers are hesitant to give feedback, imagine how intimidating it must be for employees to provide feedback to their boss. Even worse, consider how uncomfortable it can be for coworkers to offer constructive feedback to each other. When your team holds back important insights, everyone misses out on the chance to improve.
The thought that prevents many of us from helping another improve through mentoring and feedback is this: What if they retaliate?
Because of this fear, many may wonder whether giving feedback is the right choice. What if it makes things worse, and the person becomes resentful? What if they respond by being more critical of your work? The answer often begins with those at the top.
If you react negatively, there’s little incentive for others to be honest with you. When a colleague, manager, or direct report gives you feedback, they’re taking a risk, trusting that you’ll assume their intentions are positive and that their feedback is meant to help, not harm.
By putting people at ease when receiving feedback and not acting defensively or making excuses, you’re encouraging those around you to grow.
Create Psychological Safety to Encourage Honest Feedback
Instead of focusing on how the other person could deliver feedback more effectively, focus on what you can do to make them feel safe enough to be honest. When you receive feedback, even unexpected constructive criticism, it’s essential to reward the person for their openness. You achieve this by creating psychological safety and turning the conversation into a positive experience they’ll feel comfortable repeating in the future.
You achieve this by creating psychological safety and turning the conversation into a positive experience they’ll feel comfortable repeating in the future.
Curiosity instead of Defensiveness
Feeling defensive is a natural reaction to harsh feedback, but it’s important not to act on those initial impulses. Instead, assume the input comes from a place of positive intent. Focus on understanding the reasons behind the feedback rather than dismissing or justifying your actions, especially when you disagree.
Here’s how you can respond to gain more clarity by approaching feedback with curiosity instead of defensiveness:
“Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I’d like to understand better so I can address the right areas. Can you explain a bit more about what you mean?”
“This feedback is really helpful because [why - be specific]. Could you provide an example or share when you've noticed this behavior? That will help me know when to be more mindful.”
Once you’ve heard the other person's perspective, summarize what you understood to ensure accuracy. This allows for clearer communication and a better grasp of when and where the feedback applies.
Remember, just because someone suggests you could improve in a particular area doesn’t mean you’re doing it poorly all the time. Pinpointing specific moments where the feedback is relevant helps you make targeted improvements.
Listen First, Decide Later
Whether you’re a supervisor or employee, listening to feedback doesn’t mean you need to act on it immediately. Every piece of feedback, no matter its content, is valuable because it provides insight into how others perceive you. Perception often holds as much significance as your original intent.
If something you do is being misunderstood, feedback allows you to adjust your behavior to prevent future confusion—if you choose to. However, it can be overwhelming to listen, process, and analyze feedback all at once. When receiving feedback, focus on staying present, gathering context, and understanding the message before deciding whether to incorporate it later. And don’t forget to thank the person for sharing their feedback with you.
Feedback and Mentoring is a Gift
Honest, thoughtful feedback is truly a gift. While it’s easy to focus on how others should adjust their approaches, remember that you have a significant role when you receive feedback and mentorship.
By committing to improving this often-overlooked skill, you’ll not only strengthen your relationships with colleagues but also gain valuable insights that can enhance your personal and professional progress. Embrace feedback as an opportunity for development, and you’ll find yourself moving forward more effectively than ever.